It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!!!!!!

Beautiful Sawyer Bug.

How we love this little crazy ball of goodness.

Her latest and greatest- last night while delivering Christmas Cheer to the neighbors, Max was taking something to a door and must've needed to go the bathroom.

From the back seat-in her little smoker voice- "he's grabbing hims crotch" what would we do without her!


Last Monday we had a surprise.

Obviously, this pregnancy has been a bit rough. I found out at 13 wks that I had "placenta previa" which causes issues with bleeding and causes early births and such fun.....well, Monday morning I woke up and started bleeding again- the 6th time. The 3rd time in 2 wks. We rushed over to the hospital knowing I was either stuck in the hospital for the rest of the pregnancy, or I was going to get sent back home because it would stop, or I was having a baby. I secretly was hoping I could just have her and get it over with, but scared to say so because I was 34 wks that exact day and knew I was barely making the cut to the day they wanted me to last until.

Well, good for goodness sakes, the Dr. on call thought it'd be best to just deliver her, and my Dr. showed up 8 seconds later, out of breath, all worried, and decided that they should just deliver her. So, onto the O.R for an anxiety causing c-section.

I've known for a couple months that I was going to have to have a c-section, but despite the brave face I've put on, I've been terrified. I've never had surgery before, never had to deal with this, and knowing how simple it is for me to recover after having my other kids, I was crazy scared. In fact, the Saturday night before she was born, I had me a little break down. Another factor scaring me was that I had an anterior placenta and the Dr. had been telling me for months that it was going to be a risky c-section because they were going to have to cut through the placenta which could cause an enormous amount of blood loss and I could need a transfusion during surgery....um.....scared much????

Luckily, my sweet husband holds the priesthood and was able to give me a blessing that night, and I was super calm when the time came. Even better- there was hardly any bleeding at all, which the dr's were very surprised by!!!!!!!

So, away we went. Having a baby. 6 wks early.

WOWSERS!

Everything went well with getting her here.

Afterwards, it took about 2 minutes for her to start breathing.

Longest 2 minutes of my life.

sitting there begging Heavenly Father to please let her be ok after the long road we'd been down to get her here in the first place.

just waiting.

with a knot in my stomach. (well, I couldn't feel it, but it was there)

the anasthesiologist giving me play by play over the curtain.....

then finally.

a squeak.

then a cry.

she was here.

she was ok.

i could breathe again.

After she was bagged she started breathing. She had to be on oxygen for the first few hours after she was born, but that was all. They let me see her just for a second before she was scurried down to the NICU.

(i made the mistake of watching the video the other night of this exact moment. Oh the tears. There's nothing more horrifying than seeing your sweet brand new baby sitting on a table lifeless....)

then I got sick.

apparently me and morphine don't mix. I started throwing up about 5 minutes later.

And I kept throwing up all day.

I don't think I really opened my eyes until 3 that afternoon and she was born at 10 am.

Every time I tried to talk or move the world started spinning and I'd heave.

oh my stomach!

Then the itchies came on in full force.....holy crap. It was hellish.

And on top of that, I think having a c-section was something Satan came up with as part of His plan.

Why oh why would anyone choose such a thing!!!!!!????

Her sweet daddy was in and out of the NICU all day visiting her. I was shown pictures all day and thought she looked pretty chubalicious!!!! So, I was pretty shocked when the meds had worn off enough by 11 p.m. and I finally was able to get wheeled in to see and hold her. Oh my precious little baby girl. She is teensy...oh so teensy.We can't get enough of her!!!!!!

She had a feeding tube and then just monitors on her, so she wasn't too hooked up, but anything is too much when you have to leave her in there and not take her home with you when you leave. That was a hard day.

Trying to get a good comparison of how tiny she is to Brent.
i love this picture.

They didn't want us holding her too much because the stimulation is just too much for her little body to handle. So, we could just touch her....it was hard not to reach in and pull her out....but we controlled ourselves.

Here's her home away from home. For the first 2 days she was in an open crib thingamajigger, but then she started dropping her temperature so they had to move her into an isolette. No matter if she was sicker or not, that thing makes you think she is! Hated seeing her in that. But so grateful that she is in good hands!

I left the hospital Thursday night. I was so sad to leave her there, but it had to be done. It has been nice to be able to sleep and recover w/o a baby to take care of, I must say, but oh how we've missed her!!!
Conli was really confused as to where she was the night she was born. She looked at my tummy, then looked around the room and asked, "if she's not in your tummy then where is she???" I don't think they think she's really here yet. Can't wait to bring her home for all of us to love.

Thank you all my friends and family that came to visit us in the hospital- even though most of the fun of the visit it seeing/holding the new baby, and most of you weren't able to do that. Thank you for coming to see me! I'd say names, but I know I'll forget someone, and I don't want to do that. But thank you so much for making me feel loved!

Friday morning Conli had her Christmas Sing. I was so grateful that I could go. She LOVES singing and spends most of her day with some song- made up or not- flowing from her little lungs. She was soooo excited to see us and it was awesome! My favorite part was the 18 songs they changed to Christmas songs at the end- a medley if you will- with rap and all!

That day they decided to start her on bottle feedings to see if she could tolerate it much.

and tolerate she did!!!! YAHOO!!!! One more stepping stone down! I touched the bottle to her wittle mouth and she started sucking right away!!!!!! YAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!!!
They feed her 8 times a day. So, the goal is to get her tolerating and digesting 8 bottles. Plus she has to work up to the amount that she needs to have. Slow process.....

I've been going over a couple times a day to feed her this past week. It's hard leaving her every time. I wish I could be with her more often, but, soon enough! Her daddy, Mana and some aunts have loved spending time with her. I've even gotten to change some diapers- true mommy style!

Thankfully, I was able to make it to the Whalen's Ugly Sweater Christmas Fiasco! If you know me at all, you know I was DYING at missing all the festivites this year what with being on bed rest and everything....so I was ELATED when I was able to leave the hospital Thursday and make it to the party.
Here's Ben's fab sweater and zoolander pose.

One of the magical finds in our treasure trove of DI goodness from the white elephant exchange.

some of the gang

mas personas

the prize winning gift!!!

I was waiting to post until Summer posted about the party cuz she took pictures and I really didn't, but that's taking too long, so here's what you get, if you want to see the awesome sweaters adorned that day, check back later!

More shots of our beautiful baby girl

Saturday night was our Hillam Family Christmas Party. This is one of the highlights of the Christmas season and it was great this year. Again, I'm grateful I was able to go with my family.
During dinner we played "Minute to Win It" games. It was funny.

the oreo one...which Max HAD to play-they are his favorite thing!
and oreo crumbs in the eyeball made for a sad boy.

JD & Brent tried their skills at this'n.

our sweet boys

I told Xan and Max to look tough....i dunno....

J & Chris

me and my love

Bre, Jaina & Mana

the kids...nevermind that the nativity was going on here....they preferred the phone games apparently.

Sawyer and her most prized possession of the night- her 2 balloons!

Karri & Con

Mar & Sawyer- stayed stocked up their water supply all night long

sweetness

love him- not my fat

the twinners

Cute cousins waiting patiently for the Man in Red to show himself
Sawyer has never been fond of Santa Claus.

She's terrified of him to be exact.

She seemed a little preoccupied all night long, and I'm pretty sure it was because she was worrying herself silly over when he'd pop in and scare her.

When she heard his jingle bells ringing, she ran as fast as she could to Brent.

She watched VERY carefully as each child went up and received a present from this Santa Claus.

When he called her name, she high tailed it right up there after only a second's pause.

what a brave girl!

and she loved the "squishy squishers" that he gave her.

and Max gave her loves for being so brave. he's the sweetest brother ever.

Con's goods.

that's her nervous face....just so ya know.

happiness from this guy

Mana was able to come visit Fin on Sunday morning.

and the best part was that she was wearing real life girl clothes!!!!! YAHOO baby girl!

her feet are unbelievably small....seriously, can't believe they're hers and not a dollies.

Kara got to see her that day too!

Sawyer played "pregnant" the whole time I was pregnant. This was the best though- she looks really pregnant- it was hilarious! Although, now her playing pregnant includes her stummy bleeding and being cut open-good times.... :)

Kara brought down some ornaments for the kids to paint for a gift to my mom and dad. They had a blast!!!! Thanks Kara for taking care of it! I got a bit distracted this week!!!!

What a crazy, exciting, whirl wind of a week. I still can't believe we had our baby! Finley's been an idea for so long, I can't believe she's here! It will be even better when she can be home with us and we can really have her as ours!

To EVERYONE that has helped us get through the last months- Bless you, and Thank you. You have helped us so much!!!! Getting us groceries, cleaning our house, setting up our christmas tree, giving me books and movies to keep me entertained, spending time with me so I didn't lose my marbles, taking my kids so they didn't lose theirs, and for the uncountable amounts of prayers said on my and my family's behalf. We couldn't have made it without all of you. We love you. We are blessed. We are grateful, and we pray that in some way, we can repay each of you!!!!!!

And to the love of my life- there are no words to explain the love I have for you. The gratitude I owe to you and to my Father in Heaven for blessing me with a husband that, when needed, stepped up to the plate, with no hesitation, and no complaint, and took on every job a parent has- mother and father both- to do what I haven't been able. You are amazing. You are the jelly to my peanut butter sandwich, and my life would be nothing without you- truly. My Heavenly Father has blessed me more than I deserve with you. Who knew back in the good ol' days of M to the V that you and I would end up hitched- with kids no less!!!! :) I love you Brentalina!!!!!